I always feel very privileged when people trust me to be part of their health & well-being journey, but there is something extra special when the person is someone I have known or connected with at another stage in my life. I have had this experience a few times this week and it got me thinking about connections, friendships and all types of relationships. My first thoughts went to the poem called A Reason, A Season, and A Lifetime written by: Brian Chalker, (http://www.wrensworld.com/people.htm) often we may never discover the reason people come into our lives until many months or years later.
I am very grateful to have a number of lifetime people in my world who I love and accept for who they are and who I am pretty sure love and accept me for who I am. None of us are perfect, all a work in progress and each of us with our own little quirks, strengths, weaknesses and uniqueness. By love I don’t just mean easy fluffy pink easy love, sometimes it’s tough love and sometimes it’s honest love. For the benefit of the relationship and out of love and respect for the person I have had to say things that weren’t that easy to say and on the other hand have listened to things that weren’t always easy to hear, but I have come to realise that the people that love us the most are the people that are the most honest with us and when things are being said from a place of love and caring, they are always part of my growth and personal development and our relationship becomes stronger.
Sometimes a person may have upset us and they have no idea, that, that is how we feel. This can often be in simple things, one person likes to organise and arrange things and finds it hard when plans change at the last minute, another hates plans and has no problem making last-minute adjustments, if they talk about it a compromise can be reached, if not one person ends up feeling hurt and let down, and the other is unaware of the hurt the other person is feeling. We often expect people to read our minds, but no two people will ever see a situation the same way, as the saying goes, there are at least two sides to every story, so if we value ourselves and the people around us then for the good of the relationship communication and feedback are vital.
This then led me to think about the thoughts or beliefs that I have adapted in the past few years that I often share with clients and when running programs. I know they have really helped me to strengthen the relationships and connections that I have.
• “Being honest may not get you lots of friends, but it will always get you the right one’s”
• Almost every relationship can be strengthened by open, honest, respectful communication.
• Talk to people, not about people.
• Only say what you mean and mean what you say.
• No one can make you feel anything; every feeling or reaction is a choice.
• Don’t be a victim, people aren’t always out to get you.
• Take constructive criticism as exactly that.
• Sometimes love isn’t enough.
• I can’t change anyone, I can only change myself.
• “To thine own self be true”
• Our silent expectation of others can be our greatest source of hurt & disappointment.
If someone says something and I feel hurt, it is usually because on some level I believe what they are saying to be true. I ask myself the question could this be true and if the answer is yes then I work on changing it, apologise or do whatever it takes to fix it if the answer is no then I let it go, it is only an opinion and sometimes it is good to hear what others say and sometimes it’s more about their stuff than it is mine, it’s up to me to figure out which feels right, looking in the mirror can be a good place to ask these questions.
• We all make mistakes
• Self Love and Self Respect are key.
• For every relationship and every experience ask the question; what have I learnt?
I am sure there are a few more but these are probably the key ones.
Interestingly as I was writing this, I had a message from someone I first met many
years ago when we worked together and we haven’t really been in touch since then and then I received a message from a girl I went to school with.... “Lifetime, reason, season.” Namaste.